Recently, I decided to take myself off of Facebook, after receiving a message from someone I did not know, but from whom I had recently accepted a friendship request due to her love of art. The message, in the form of sage advice, basically chided me for how I lived my life and what I chose to post on Facebook. This led to some rethinking on my part of my identity as an artist and writer, and prompted me to take a break from social media. Aside from Instagram, I did not blog or post updates for most of March.
During this brief sabbatical, I had time to think a lot about what my art means to me, and how I want to be perceived as an artist. In many ways, our public image is both within and outside of our control. Most artists spend a lot of time carefully crafting their public images, and send out only those posts and updates that would contribute to their self-constructed identity, which is in part myth, and in part truth. *I believe that no one really knows the truth about themselves or others, so most of our thoughts are futile grasps at temporary senses of knowingness.
Once I disabled Facebook, I was suddenly aware of how quiet my life was. No longer filled with the static and hum of all the constant updates and colorful interludes of other people's lives, their snapshots of this moment or that, I was left with the realization that somewhere in the quiet, my life was proceeding uninterrupted, that the sun still rose and set, and that I was left unchanged but somehow outside of the stream of consciousness that my online community shared. I was, in essence, left with solitude.
In solitude one has immeasurable power. It's the vantage point from which critical thought and exploration could proceed. I suddenly had a lot more time on my hands. Instead of reading about a friend's adventures or life event, I was reading about the holocaust, female genital mutilation, and generally exploring issues that which had intrigued me for a long time, given my fascination with anthropology, culture, and gender discourse.
At times, I felt the need to broadcast my thoughts to someone, to anyone who may dialogue with me about my discoveries and share in my inner experiences. Somehow that's always been the driving force of my life, to connect with others on a deeper level and to spark conversations that would encompass all that which cannot be readily described in just a few words (except for in haikus), or be rushed through in polite social settings. My mind's words fill me with both excitement and anxiety, for they are voluminous, and can occupy caverns with their prodigiousness.
Although I think of myself as both a writer and painter, I feel there is a distinct separation between the two art forms. In painting, the visual element is that which first arrests the viewer's eyes. The symbolism and other ideas and meanings come secondary to the initial visual impression. In writing, the flow of thought and construction of words form the gradual image. In many ways, the two processes of expression run counter to each other, in reverse so to say, although in both writing and painting, they often both begin with a singular image or idea for me.
So I finally came to terms with the need for me to find an outlet for my inner thoughts and words, but not in the context of social media, where interactions are generally defined by brevity and levity. Rather, this would be a blog through which I would explore my consciousness, and refine my artistic development with the help of writing and discourse. While not an official blog about my art work, I hope it would serve as a platform from which to view my art concurrently. Being both a writer and painter, I feel this is the best manner with which to approach my creative process, and to give life to my thoughts.
With that, I hope you will enjoy reading this blog. But even if you didn't, it would still be something enjoyable for me to write.
