Bi-Cultural Me! An Experience in Fludity

I often feel like a hypocrite when I tell my relatives in Taiwan "I'm too American for that." The that being something which I was reluctant to do, like fighting over checks at dinner, or taking direct criticism about my appearance or success with a laugh. The sense of hypocrisy is at its most intense when I'm around American friends or colleagues, and I somehow feel very out of place, like an in between person - too American to exist in Taiwan, and too Taiwanese to exist in America.

Upon reading this lovely essay by ZP Dala from the New York Times Magazine, I found myself thinking a lot about culture and roots. Where ones comes from is often the source of ones inspirations and home to ones most delightful comforts. For example, when I think of comfort food, I think immediately of white rice congee sprinkled with bits of shredded pork flakes, topped with seaweed paste. The taste of the smooth rice porridge laced with bits of sweet saltiness, along with the crunch of pickles and the soft earthiness of stewed peanuts replays in my mind whenever I feel under the weather. Like some sort of haunting tune I cannot ignore, no matter how many times I swear off eating carbs for the sake of slimness.

Cultural nuances such as not bragging about one's accomplishments often keep me from the spotlight at work. It's bad form in Asian countries to brag about oneself, so I often stop myself from saying anything at meetings, even when I feel that my contribution would be appreciated. I'm always waiting politely for someone else to say nice things about me, which is the common Asian way, instead of jumping in with remarks. This is particularly frustrating when I skulk away from the meeting table feeling like once again I did not share my thoughts, and silently berate myself for being a misfit.

In some ways, being a bi-cultural person has its advantages. For example, I often feel like social rules don't apply to me from either cultures, since I'm technically an in betweener. I don't subscribe much to Asian portrayals of beauty (willow thin, pale, with long straight hair, and big doll like eyes framed in black lashes), nor Asian American beauty stereotypes (athletically thin, tanned, with long straight hair and smokey cat eye makeup). I'm basically free to be outside both beauty norms and just be myself. *This often causes consternation for both sides of the cultural divide!

When it comes to art, I think that my aesthetics straddles both manga culture as well as European classicism. I'm equally drawn to picturesque compositions with wide ranging value structures as I am to very graphic and flat portrays of people, particularly because of Chinese ink brush painting, which often depicts facial features with simple strokes and sparse backgrounds. There is something immensely ghostly and ephemeral about Chinese painting that is the antithesis of Western classical painting, which strives to capture all. Even the loosest paintings by the Naturalists still emphasize accuracy more than Eastern paintings, which strive to capture mood.

So I guess the question is what my art will ultimately evolve to, and whether my Eastern roots will influence my artistic choices over time. I hope they do, since I find multi-culturalism so important to my life, and so very interesting on physical, intellectual and emotional levels. In the mean time, I plan on eating as much congee as I can while swearing that I am quitting carbs any day now. It will happen!